"Até mesmo o silêncio é um texto."

domingo, 12 de setembro de 2010

Como hackear msn.

A cabeça levemente cabisbaixa e os ombros de certa forma caídos. Assim foi que ele se deixou cair numa cama desarrumada. As roupas atiradas por sobre a mesa permaneciam como testemunhas de tudo o que ela dissera antes de sair. O livro entreaberto e a lâmpada amarelada, também. Tudo ali havia presenciado aquele diálogo disfarçado de monólogo que a garota promulgara. Desviou os olhos para o teto, mas este também estava lá quando ela comunicou sentenças simples, mas de peso incomensurável. Não tinha remédio senão fechar as pálpebras, pensar na semana longa que advinha, nas tarefas que necessitavam ser cumpridas e em seus respectivos prazos.
Como de praxe, sendo necessário não pensar no diálogo, este se fez vivo na memória. Em suma, ela dissera que o jovem estava mudado, não era aquele mesmo de anos antes, por quem ela sentira amor nunca antes conhecido. Era outro. Abriu os olhos e mirou o teto amarelado, sem vê-lo, porém. Todo seu esforço mental estava, neste momento, direcionado na tarefa de perscrutar suas lembranças em busca do instante exato em que essa mudança ocorrera.
Toda aquela melancolia de final de domingo não combinava em absoluto com o maravilhoso dia de sol que agora tinha seu fim. É estranho pensar que somente dias de chuva são tristes e, os ensolarados, felizes. O humor humano não pode ser condicionado por intempéries. Fosse assim, o inverno não seria feito de ótimos jantares regados de vinho, nem de conversas agradáveis frente à lareira. O frio e a umidade só podem assolar aqueles corações frágeis e lúgubres, que já vêm, desde sua fabricação, propensos a abrigar sentimentos escuros e pesados.
Pela janela aberta ele deixava agora seu olhar se perder. As pupilas pulavam de uma estrela a outra, naquele céu lindo como o dia que passara. As ruas faziam o silêncio que só possui uma noite de domingo: um marasmo deprimente, repleto da certeza de uma semana inteira de árduo labor, que demorará a passar e que, no final, terão se passado mais cinco dias de estadia no mundo. Quando uma brisa acariciou-lhe o rosto amuado, a testa sisuda em profunda reflexão, ele pode ver, claramente, o dia e o momento preciso em que deixara de ser quem era antes, para ser o seu eu de agora.
As mudanças de personalidade só podem acontecer de duas maneiras: ou por meio de uma profunda alegria, ou então através de uma insuportável tristeza. A última, invariavelmente, deixa o sujeito mais duro, que soa semelhante a maduro e se pode pensar que a palavra em si possa ter sido formada por economia das duas primeiras. Um coração pode ficar inacessível aos de fora, e mesmo ao seu próprio dono, depois de enfrentar tal estado depressivo, criando ao redor de si armadura resistente, senão intransponível.
Fácil é de supor que o jovem, deitado em sua cama desarrumada a fitar um céu negro, fora modificado pela tristeza e que seu coração era, agora, guardado por carapaça poderosa, desde aquela noite nublada que agora rodava como filme antigo nas retinas de sua mente. No entanto, não somente aquela noite foi responsável por construir-lhe tal invólucro no coração. As noites solitárias e de sono escasso que se seguiram àquela, tanto quanto os dias cinzas que as intercalaram, foram, aos poucos e de maneira sólida, construindo a barreira que manteve seus sentimentos aquém do alcance de qualquer um.
Quando a brisa cessou de alentar sua fronte, quando o nó entre as sobrancelhas se desfez e quando os lábios deixaram de comprimir-se, finalmente entendeu seu destino. Permaneceria sempre afastado do mundo exterior, fadado a andar como fantasma entre os transeuntes terrenos, exilado e confinado dentro do próprio coração.

segunda-feira, 6 de setembro de 2010

Uma vez eletrônico...

Gian: meu caro Pant, há quanto tempo?
Pant: hohoohohoho
muito mesmo
e ai?! tudo certo?
Gian: sim, e de tua parte?
aprendendo muitas letras?
Pant: ja tô no H
Gian: que concidência, eu também
Pant: oeiauheoaiuhe
Gian: leva tempo pra sair do H, até acertar o - bem no meinho
né?
Pant: eoauehaoiue é verdade!
Gian: e a UFRGS?
Pant: o problema maior é acorda cedo..
mas é q quando eu digo cedo é às 5 horas da manhã
Gian: pois é, isso é madrugada


(...)


Gian: tá, mas vamo falar do que interessa
em qual server do tibia tu tá jogando atualmente?
Pant: aioeuehaoiuehaoiuehaieuahoeiuaheiuaheaiuehaoiuehaeiuaheiuaheaieha
Gian: ushaudhsuahduashduahsdusahd
Pant: sim tu acha q eu to acordando as 5 pra ir pra aula!?
Gian: uashdiaushdishdfoauhfohfdoHOFdhoHFOHSODHFSOFDHSIUFDHSIUDFHISUHDF
Pant: to acordando esse horario pra joga um pouco antes de ir pra aula
Gian: USAHDAUSAUSHDUSAHDUSHSUDUSH AH MEU DEUS ALGUÉM ME ACODE!!

sexta-feira, 13 de agosto de 2010

Come-come.

Antes de ler, jogue aqui por pelo menos cinco minutos.

Pensei nisso dias destes, enquanto rememorava o evento que consumiu horas de internet de alguns usuários do Google que se divertiram jogando o clássico Pac-Man. Em 22 de maio deste mesmo ano, a gigante da internet transformou sua logomarca em uma versão jogável da bolinha amarela. Eu mesmo perdi alguns minutos, entretido em comer as bolinhas menores e os fantasmas, vez em quando.
Não lembro qual foi o ponto exato de convergência entre a ideia e o jogo, mas foi que relacionei a sistemática, a “história” em que o game transcorre e adquire sentido: comer todas as bolinhas do cenário sem que os fantasmas te alcancem, ao nosso cotidiano, à nossa vida em contraste às forças opressoras que nos fazem viver da forma que vivemos.
Como vivemos em constante busca de capital, de dinheiro para poderar assegurar a sobrevivência primeira - comida - a analogia parte do príncipio que o personagem principal, Pac-Man, vulgo Come-come, age como ser-humano comum que vive dentro de um esquema social capitalista. A sua razão primeira de viver é comer para continuar vivo e, para isso, precisa do dinheiro que é simbolizado pelas bolinhas amarelas, cor que remete ao ouro. A nossa vida e as três do Come-come giram em torno de conseguir tanto dinheiro quanto estiver disponível no cenário, para o qual ainda não achei uma referência real que cobre cem por cento do significado que ele tem no jogo. Até aí, é até muito fácil. Porém há os quatro fantasmas que, gradativamente, começam a perseguí-lo através do labirinto.
Nesse momento, a vida do personagem se torna uma fuga e uma busca, que fica cada vez mais difícil. Para passar a outro cenário, é necessário comer todas as pequenas bolinhas que estão cada vez mais escassas. Essa restrição pode ser encarada como o nosso código moral, nosso código de leis, que proíbe algumas formas de se adquirir dinheiro-comida (não podemos roubar dos outros, por exemplo) e deixam poucas maneiras de consegui-lo. A mais comum, pelo trabalho.
Ficou em aberto a questão dos fantasmas, os elementos opressores e perseguidores do cidadão Come-come. Imediatamente, assumi que eles seriam o governo, a estrutura governamental. Vivendo no Brasil, tendo que trabalhar 148 dias do ano para pagar os impostos, sinto muitas vezes que sou o Pac-Man, correndo atrás de dinheiro e mais dinheiro para compensar aquele que deixo nas mãos do Estado.
Parece que a vida tem-se resumido a isso: uma correira sem fim atrás de um instrumento de valor abstrato (mas que compra coisas concretas), sem tempo para parar para respirar, para pensar no que está acontecendo e discutir se isso é certo ou errado, bom ou ruim, decente ou indecente. Assim, vou correndo atrás das minhas bolinhas por aqui, você por aí. Apenas tome cuidado: ao contrário do Come-come, nós só temos uma vida.

P.s: Existem ainda as grandes bolas amarelas que dão poder ao Pac-man para poder se livrar dos fantasmas. Vejo como bom exemplo o sujeito que ganha uma bolada na loteria. O estado ainda tira dele uma parte, mas isso não passa de cócegas na fortuna que o deixa viver tranquilamente.

Quero comentários.

terça-feira, 3 de agosto de 2010

Just Trying VII.

The old white-bearded started dealing the cards. It’s backs were all dark, like no light could make it reflect, like the cards had an endless wormhole that could absorb me. I watched what I’ve got: a nine diamonds and Jack spades – a poor hand. As the man started dealing, the next player who has to bet would be me. I stared him, waiting for instructions.
- Oh, right. I forgot it… humans forget things sometimes, eh? he looked the other one, who had not said a thing that whole time. He was a very serious middle-aged man. Black short hair and black long coat, like an Italian who belongs to mafia. He didn’t make a sound, just looked his brother, then put an eye on me and sent a disdainful smile. Then took his cards and looked without any care, while the white beard was saying:
- The minimum bet is 10, and it will double when I had the button, when I deal again. One more thing: you cannot refuse a game; you’ll have to play every hand.
My chin fell down. He must have seen that in my eyes. He said that I’d have to play every hand, even the worst ones. I was not allowed to fold. So I would play with that ridiculous jack and nine. I should do that for my life. So did I.
I lost the first hand, and then the second. Who had won was the black coat. Finally I won some hands, than the white beard did. The game was quite tied, and went like that for many turns. The bets were 160, when I got that great hand: two kings.
I was the dealer, so the black coat post his small blind and the white beard post the big blind. It was my turn. I hesitate: should I bluff, or should I assume my strong hand and play as the manuals tell, betting hard? Playing tough may induce the other players to flee, folding their hands, however bluff could give me low pots. Then I realized the white beard has said that no one could fold. I pulled all my chips into the pot, performing an all-in. I was winning or if their stacks are lower than mine. They’ve had no choice and had to cover my bet. All chips were in the center of the table, my life being played upon a green disdainful carpet.
The others and I put our cards faced up on the table. I quickly looked the others’ cards. I astonished seeing the white beard’s pair of aces. If the scene would not change as I show the flop, I was going to loose the game. And the life.
I sat back on the chair, worried. Then I looked black coat’s hand: a three and a six spades. He had nothing, but could make a flush, which will beat my pair of kings, too. My hands were shaking while I was dealing the three cards, the flop. It showed some interesting scenario. It was an ace and a king, both spades, and a not important eight hearts. That meant the white beard was still winning, with three aces. I came on second, with three kings, but we still had two cards to be dealt, the turn and the river, and black coat had four of spades – with one more spade card, he got a flush, which beats both mine and white beard’s hand.
My heart was going to explode while I dealt the river. It was a non important two diamonds. Then, the last one came. I closed my eyes and put it down.
It took some seconds until I looked to the card. When I did, it showed a king. I have made a poker, I had won! I shouted loud an “yeah!” and then I perceived no one were around me. The table, the green carpet and the yellow light were still there, but the brothers, white beard and black coat were not. My excitement was turned on confusion, but it was still happiness for the victory. I had won and then I would live!
I got out through the same door I came in. It was evening, but the sun was still shining. I did not know how much time has passed and it did not matter. Looking to the floor under my feet, I saw a great red stain and I remembered the wine. Someone had cleaned it. Then I remembered home, and the work I was doing before going out to buy beer. I walked to the freezer and picked up the most expensive pack. I was happy and spender. I just wanted to get out of there and live. I pay to the old man in the cashier, who said: “Oh, I did not see you coming in…” and I replied, with smiles: “Sorry, I am a little quiet…”
He turned: “well… there are strange thinks going on around here…” I realized he was going to start a story, and I had no time for that. I smiled and said a good-bye. Finally, I got out. I opened a can and drank the refreshing liquid, feeling the warm of the sun touching me on the face. “It’s done, now” I thought, “it is time to live!”
Suddenly, I perceived that I did not even have a life. I had not any family, nor love. My friends were all away. My job was draining my energy every single day and I had no other pleasure rather than drinking. I had won that game, but that win was a loss, after all.

The end.

segunda-feira, 26 de julho de 2010

Just trying VI.

Playing poker: it was a long time ago. I could remember those nights spent at that secret club in the northern part of the town, inside that old chemical factory which was deactivated due an accident in the seventy’s. Someone in white clothes had forgotten about cleaning his shoes when he left a very infected laboratory. A harmful element has been spread throughout the rooms. No one could escape. The disease caused by that element made everybody lay down at the same time the particles were inspired. Workers had spit on the floor solid blood. Walking through the aero glass tunnel whereby we get pass to the attic of the great building, we could see the dried blood spots on the ground down there. I was afraid at first, but then I get used to the scene. On the attic, a secret club of poker players consisting in rich old men, crime chiefs and young guys who were all trying to make easy cash. I was one of the younger.

I did not start playing poker on that secret community. I was introduced to the game by a movie of the ninety’s, called Maverick, who was played by Mel Gibson. He was young and his character was a cheater and the whole plot turns around everyone cheating everybody. The poker shows up in the near end, when a great championship was played inside a vessel, while it navigates.

I was already living alone when I watched the movie. So I searched the web to learn about everything of the game. A card game about bluffing and controlling your opponent: I was crazy about mind control and all this stuff those times. In the websites, I found out that it could be played on the computer, through a software who deals the cards and could do all the hard work. I started to play with people from every point of the world and, slowly, I learned the tricks and I became a good player.

Since I realized that, I started to play with real money. I had to make my first credit card and deposit some cash into the site. Weeks later, I was staying awake all night, earning money from the game.

I met some girls and was very social, but still was playing. I’ve earned lots of money and could live easy without having to work anymore. I was on top. Then, I met the woman who I really loved. Her name was Claudia and I met her at my favorite bar: the Rock and Roll Bar. I paid her some drinks and we talked a lot. I felt in love. I thought her did, too.

We dated for one year and a half. She knew about my job and didn’t like that. She said that it was like cheating, I should work like everyone, I should be honest like everyone. She was a old-minded girl who I started to think came from a remote farm or anywhere like that. She just could not understand. However, we started to live together, but only after I join the college, studying math. The problem was that I had been playing on the secret club in the factory already, looking for bigger pots. I went there about three nights per week, and was always winning. I just could not explain that, she refuses to understand that was my work. She became jealous and started to insinuate I was cheating her those nights. Finally, she left me. I cried a lot and stopped with poker – the game ruined my life.

She had never accepted me back. I never played poker again. Until there. The game that ruined my life was going to be the same that will decide my fate.

To be continued.

sábado, 10 de julho de 2010

Just trying V.

With wine under my sneackers and cold under my clothes, I felt that point had no return. I pushed the door and the yellow light filled the wet floor and next racks. I’ve been too surprised watching the faces that were sitting around a round table on the centre of the room. The yellow light was coming from a lamp over that table, which was covered by a green carpet. Colored chips were piled. Five people were there, but I recognized only three. They were standing up, while I opened the door. They were my parents and Ms Korina, those only ones that I loved all my life. Astonished, I couldn’t make a sound when they came after me, but passed away with no words, but they all smiled at me like saying a “good luck”. When I recovered my sense, purposed to go towards them, but the white beard man said with a rough voice: “Don’t. They cannot hear you, nor talk to you. Come on, have a seat.”
- Who are you? - I replied.
- I am something you might call god. Or devil.
Then I really thought that was a dream, yet it was too real.
- No, it is not a dream. – white beard, or God, started again – You are going to die, it’s simple. Let me introduce you my brother. You might call him Devil. I would like to explain something to you. We are entities, superior beings, but we were never described well by the humans. We actually are not good or evil, we just are. There are other brothers of us, who are designed to other worlds out there. For sure, we are not like you are seeing right now. I’ll make it clear: right now, we are going to decide where your soul will stay forever. To make it fair, we’ll play poker. Do you know how to play, don’t you? Yes, for sure.
He started to shuffle a deck of cards, while I open my mouth to ask a lot of things. Before I’ve done, God said:
- You would like to know how does it work, but I won’t tell you. I’ll just tell you that it happens to everyone, days or hours before their scheduled date to die. It is not poker to everyone, although. We provide a lots of games, cards, board games, even video games. We know everything that could be done in your world. Well, we are superior. Ok. It will be Texas Hold’em; thousand in chips for each one. The game ends when one of us hold all three thousand chips. Your soul goes to the winner, if I or my brother wins, but, if you do, you will live more twenty years. It is ok to you? Sure it’s ok, these are rules you cannot change. No one can change. I am going to shut your mouth now. You cannot talk. Dismiss your doubts, you better concentrate in the game.
As he said, I could not open my mouth and even make a noise. Perturbed, confused, I walk to the chair that belonged to me. I sat and wait for my cards.

To be continued.